betterthankanyebitch:

every time i check my bank account:

skuboglesby:

all i want for christmas is [gunshot] [gunshot] [gunshot] [cash register noise]

totalariana:

When some new gossip too good for you to contain

theshitneyspears:

friend: bitch lets not get sloppy tonight in the club

me: totally! one drink max

*one hour later*

untillion:

Some young child: *Screaming outside*
Me with no context: Girl me too

zsachrista:

Just stop for a minute and ask yourself: Is this my business?

succeeding:

When one of your friends posts a bad picture of you

pagetbrewstar:

me: *watches criminal minds for 9 hours*
anything: *makes a noise*
me: I’m looking for a white male between the ages of 25-45 probably a loner probably most definitely hates women probably drives a red late model dodge truck probably lives alone his moms name is Helen and his favorite color skittles are the red ones